


Memories Don't Fade

by SakuraBreeze



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraBreeze/pseuds/SakuraBreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lythana Lavellan is having a hard time coming to terms with being the Inquisitor. Comfort comes from a surprising source.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories Don't Fade

Lythana Lavellan sat at her desk, elbows propped up on the dark mahogany and fingers clasped tightly together. She stared absently into space as thoughts raced through her mind. Thoughts of her old life, thoughts of how she became Inquisitor, thoughts of the things she had done as Inquisitor. Sitting back with a grimace, she brought her goblet of wine to her lips and drank. A warm feeling spread through her almost immediately, and she let out a soft sigh of relief as it ebbed away the sick feeling in her stomach. She took another sip, and another, but no matter how much she drank, the thoughts, and the memories, remained.  
  
Becoming the Inquisitor was the last thing she had expected to do in her lifetime. All she really wanted was to be with her clan – to continue being the First to her Keeper, and then to become Keeper herself one day, so that she could continue to protect and preserve the knowledge of her people. But then she had to be cursed with this blasted mark and have the fate of the world riding on her shoulders. And she couldn’t even do that properly.  
  
So many people had died since she became Inquisitor – so many people had died when she became Inquisitor. Why had she been the one to survive? So many innocent people had died that day – children and farmers and simple workers. So why was it her? There were so many more suitable people in Thedas to bear the mark, such as that Hawke woman she had heard so much about since coming here, or the Warden, the woman who had given her people a homeland again. But instead the Creators or the Maker or Andraste – or whomever it was that made these damned decisions – had decided to give the mark to her, an inept, powerless, feeble, stupid-  
  
She stood up. Her chair pushed back with a loud scraping noise, nearly toppling over. She let out another sigh and moved over to her window, hoping the view would calm her. Lythana felt herself wobble a little as she walked, and wondered for a moment just how much wine she had consumed.  
  
The sky outside was already darkening behind the cover of thick, grey clouds. Despite the dreariness of it, Lythana enjoyed the prospect of possible rain. She looked down into the courtyard to see distant figures sparring. As she lost herself watching their repetitive, almost entrancing movements, regret and doubt crept back into her mind.  
Just how many people had died since she had become Inquisitor? How many people had died because of her?  
  
Sure, she had killed in the name of self-preservation and defense while acting as First for her clan before. But this was different. She had sentenced almost countless people to death, and in the name of what? The Inquisition? Because they didn’t like that people were calling her the Herald of Andraste? She didn’t even want that title! By Fen’Harel, most of those people could be innocent for all she knew. At least one comfort came in knowing she had never made a poor mage Tranquil before.  
  
Suddenly, she felt sick again. She looked down at her hands to see that they had begun shaking. She wrapped them tightly around her waist, willing them to stop. But they didn’t. Tears began to roll down her face, and she covered her mouth with an unsteady hand to muffle her quiet sobs.  
  
“Inquisitor?” Came a familiar voice. She stiffened and whirled around. Had she forgotten to lock her door again? “Ah, there you are. I-” Cullen cut himself off and his expression shifted into a concern frown. “Is everything alright, Inquisitor?”  
  
“Oh, Commander?” She squeaked, doing her best to sound normal. She tried to wipe her tears away with the heels of her hands – unsuccessfully. “No, um, yes, sorry. How unprofessional of me, to have one of my advisors see me like this.” She laughed bitterly.  
  
He began to walk towards her slowly, almost cautiously – as if one misstep would cause her to flee. As if she had anywhere to go.  
  
She took a small step back. “Please, Commander, there’s no need. I’m fine, honestly.”  
  
She jolted a little when a broad hand was placed firmly on her shoulder. “Inquisitor,” he said gently. “You needn’t put on a front. What’s the matter?”  
  
Lythana felt tears fall with renewed strength. “I’m sorry, I Just- Creators, I’m so pathetic,” she hiccupped. “I’m not suitable for this at all. So many people, because of me- Because I couldn’t-”  
  
“Maker, no,” Cullen interjected, sounding a little shocked, and knitting his eyebrows together. He pulled her into a tight embrace so suddenly that she stumbled a little, causing her arms to be almost crushed in between the two of them. “Don’t think that. Don’t take the weight of that upon yourself. You are a more capable leader than anyone could have guessed.”  
  
Lythana’s mind reeled with confusion for a moment. Why was Cullen doing this? To simply calm her down so that she could do her job, or because of something more? Her heart fluttered at the possibility, but she quickly squashed the feeling. No, that wouldn’t happen. She was just a mage to him. There couldn’t be anything substantial to… Whatever this was. Nevertheless, her tears flowed freely now, and she began to shake once more. Cullen just smoothed her hair and whispered soothingly in her ear.  
  
And they stayed like that, for a time, with Lythana burying her face into the fur of Cullen’s jacket and letting the tears come, and with Cullen holding Lythana steady all the while.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has officially been my first Dragon Age fic. I apologize if Cullen is OOC at all - I've pretty much just started playing the games and I haven't watched any of the streams to avoid spoilers. I may or may not turn this into a series of works.  
> A huuuge thanks to Liilaah and Aleksiel for being my beta readers/stupid mistake pointer-outers!  
> Please let me know what you think, and if I can improve in any way~  
> Catch me on tumblr at http://commander-handsomeface.tumblr.com/ :D


End file.
